Signs Your Partner Is Emotionally Unavailable,

Having emotional connection is one of the most vital components of a healthy romantic relationship. Whilst initial attraction and common interests often get you to that point, having an emotionally available partner will allow you to connect, build up trust and have long term understanding. However, if your partner isn’t great at articulating emotions, being open and supportive, you can often feel confused and drained.

People who aren’t very emotionally available may care for you but struggle with connecting. They may not like having serious conversations, ignore you during difficult times or struggle to talk about how they’re feeling. This can help you understand your relationship.

1. Avoids serious conversations

A common sign that someone isn’t very emotionally available is that they’ll avoid having any conversations about how they’re feeling.

They might act like they’re not interested in having serious conversations. During meaningful conversations they may try to steer off topic, not answer properly or talk about trivial things.

Whilst some people are simply not very open with their emotions, constantly avoiding deeper conversations will make it hard to form a strong bond.

Healthy relationships create an environment where both individuals can talk about how they’re feeling without feeling silly or being judged.

2. Struggles to articulate how they feel

Often partners who lack emotional availability struggle to explain how they’re feeling. They could struggle to show affection, not talk about what’s worrying them or feel very uncomfortable when asked how they’re feeling.

When you ask them if anything is wrong they may just say that ‘nothing is wrong’.

This can create confusion as you’ll find yourself second guessing what they’re thinking.

Everyone has different ways of showing their emotions however it’s important that both individuals make an effort to communicate in a way that can make you feel safe.

3. Avoids you during difficult times

Whilst all relationships will have differences and difficult conversations, emotionally available partners will often work to talk through these issues.

Those lacking emotional availability will often ignore you during these difficult times. They may become unresponsive, refuse to talk about it or pretend it didn’t happen.

Whilst taking a moment to calm down can be a healthy thing to do, if they constantly avoid difficult conversations they won’t be able to work through these issues.

You may start to feel that they’re leaving you to deal with the problems in your relationship.

4. Avoids commitment and future conversations

They may feel uncomfortable when talking about the future of your relationship.

They may avoid conversations about the future, marriage, where you’ll live or any goals you have together. They may avoid giving you clear answers when asking where your relationship is going.

Whilst some people just don’t want to make big decisions straight away, there may be legitimate reasons for doing so. However, constantly refusing to talk about what you expect will create confusion. Healthy relationships don’t need you to make big promises however both individuals should be happy to be honest with their intentions.

5. Lack of emotional support

Emotional support is being there during stressful, disappointing, anxious or overwhelming times.

Those who lack emotional availability may struggle to offer you comfort. They may invalidate your feelings, change the subject or tell you that you’re over reacting.

During difficult stressful times, they may not be interested or empathetic.

Over time you may not feel as confident to share personal worries as they won’t understand.

Both individuals should feel like their emotions are valued and the other will support them.

6. Inconsistent

Emotional unavailability can often create confusion due to them being inconsistent.

They may be loving and attentive one day but cold and disinterested the next. At times they may make the first move and make romantic gestures however other times they may seem uncomfortable with the closeness between you two.

You may not be sure if they really want to have a deeper relationship.

There may be many reasons for their inconsistent behaviour. They could be stressed, have had a tough time or are unsure if they want to commit. However if there is a pattern of them becoming close and then suddenly becoming emotionally distant without reason then this should be considered. It’s important to be clear with communication to understand what they want.

7. Emotional distance

An emotionally available relationship includes letting someone get to know you. They’ll learn about your values, fears, experiences and personal struggles.

Those who aren’t emotionally available may not tell you much about their personal life. They may avoid talking about their past, personal struggles or key experiences.

You may not really get to know them even after spending a lot of time with them.

It can take time to build up trust. Whilst nobody should feel forced to be open, there should be some level of openness and vulnerability for the relationship to flourish.

8. Make you feel lonely

Feeling emotionally alone whilst with the person you love can be one of the most hurtful experiences.

Despite spending time with them, communicating and doing daily things together you may often feel disconnected.

Maybe there isn’t much emotional connection within your conversations, your worries aren’t discussed or they just don’t seem interested.

This can be a confusing feeling to have as everything may appear perfectly fine.

Pay attention to how you always feel in the relationship. Emotional connection should be more than just physical presence.

9. Don’t take responsibility for issues

Healthy relationships include both individuals recognising when they’ve messed up and working towards improvements.

Those who aren’t very emotionally available may ignore taking responsibility, invalidate your worries or place the blame on you.

They may become defensive and not want to talk through what went wrong.

Nobody will be perfect during arguments. However it’s very important that they’re willing to listen, apologise and make real changes to create a healthy partnership.

What Can You Do?

Just because they have these signs doesn’t mean that you can’t improve your relationship. Firstly have an honest conversation about your emotional needs. Explain to them how their behaviours affect you.

Don’t pressure them into being open with their emotions. Instead talk through practical ways you can improve communication and emotional connection.

See if they’re making genuine attempts. If they recognise the issue and are willing to work through it then couples counselling may help.

However you can’t create an emotionally available relationship on your own. Both individuals need to be willing to engage.

Conclusion

Having an emotionally unavailable partner can leave you feeling confused, disconnected and unvalued. Common signs include avoiding serious conversations, ignoring during arguments, being inconsistent and providing little emotional support.

However, this isn’t a diagnosis and they may not be emotionally unavailable if they’re only becoming emotionally distant occasionally. They could be stressed, have personal circumstances or have different ways of communicating.

The key thing to consider is whether both individuals are willing to understand each other and create a healthier emotional connection. You deserve a relationship where your emotions are valued, your worries are heard and both individuals put in the effort.