How to Find Friends When You Feel Lonely

Feeling lonely isn't easy and when everyone around us has their own friends to rely on, we may feel the need for someone to talk too. With adults finding authentic friends can sometimes be tough!

Other times it can be due to moving somewhere new, changing life stages of moving away from people you used to consider your close friends and sometimes despite being around people with no one to really understand you.

It really isn't too late to make friends! All you need to do is start taking little steps towards those. You don't need to change yourself completely or have loads of exciting social contacts. Simply start to do small things to help you meet new people.

Here are some tips to follow

1. Have a Positive Outlook towards Meeting People!

A great way to start creating genuinely friendships is simply being in the right mind frame. If you've been feeling down and lonely you may feel hesitant to put yourself out there and feel afraid of being turned away or awkward.

But many meaningful friendships come from small chatty conversations. Smiling, quickly talking, or asking questions about what they get up too gets you somewhere to start.

You need to be welcoming. You don't need to be besties straight away, just ensure that you're a friendly person that is willing to engage with everyone.

Also remember it will probably take some time to create friendship with someone so try not to expect some instant connection.

2. Get Involved in Activities!

There are many ways to meet someone through activities you actually enjoy doing.

Try getting involved in a book club, PT Session, Art Class, Cooking Class. Or Volunteer Groups/ Local Sports teams. This makes it easy to get chatting as everyone will have the same interests.

Try doing something you enjoy. For example if you enjoy reading join a book club. If you love working out joining the same PT session weekly will help to get to know people.

If you share an interest with someone it opens the door to continually chat and you can build friendships between you.

3. Social Media

Using social media can help you meet new people. Especially if you're shy.

Join online groups specific to your hobbies, interests, job and goals. Post, give helpful suggestions and be respectful to everyone. Talking to people with similar interests.

Some groups will have virtual meet-ups or local events so you can talk face to face.

But try to be cautious when messaging strangers online. Don't give out personal details and when meeting someone face to face for the first time, ensure they meet you in a safe place.

Try to genuinely make new connections.

4. Get in Touch with Old Contacts

Sometimes you might have people you know already. Try getting back in touch with people you used to see.

People like previous classmates, work colleagues, local neighbours and people you used to enjoy seeing.

Personalise a message to let them know its been a while. Something like, 'Hey, it's been a while how have you been?’.

Don't expect to get close friends with everyone, its completely normal if they don't reply or they're busy. Don't take it personally.

Trying will open up new opportunities.

5. Start with Short Conversations

If you struggle with social interaction, keep things short and simple.

Praise them for something, talk about something you did together or say something friendly about the environment around you.

E.g:

'Have you done this class before?'.

'The sort of books you like reading?'.

'How did you get into this hobby?'.

'Do you know any other fun activities to do around here?'.

Be a good listener and really interested. You aren't trying to show off but to see if you have anything in common. The more you do this the easier it becomes to start conversations.

6. Be Consistent

Friendships are rarely made after just 1 chat. They develop from consistency of talking, doing things together. Both people putting in effort.

If you really enjoy chatting to someone invite them for coffee, a walk or doing something else.

Sending them occasional messages can also help.

Being consistent will make them feel more comfortable with you. But don't make it sound like an obligation, they should be showing interest and making an effort.

7. Quality Over Quantity

When feeling lonely it can be tempting to think you need a big social circle. But it doesn't matter how many people you have in your contact list if you don't have genuine friendships.

1 person who is reliable, respectful and genuinely cares can be better than tonnes of people. Look for people who you can be authentically yourself with. Healthy friendships are respectful, honest, supportive and understanding.

Don't feel pressured into carrying on relationships that make you feel like they don't care about you.

8. Don't Let Anything Hold You Back

Approaching people won't always result in a meaningful friendship. A lot of the time people won't have the same interests as you. Or they're busy and don't have much time for new relationships.

This can make people feel quite personal. However it doesn't make you any less of a person and doesn't mean you can't make friends. Simply continue to meet new people.

If you're feeling overwhelmed with loneliness or it starts to impact your everyday life try reaching out to someone you trust or a qualified mental health professional. You don't have to go through some tough emotions on your own.

Final Thoughts

Finding friends when feeling lonely may seem challenging but with small actions you can begin to form meaningful friendships. Join activities you enjoy, reach out to people you know, get into simple conversations and keep an open mind to meet people from different backgrounds.

Most importantly don't measure your life by how many friends you currently have. Genuine friendships take time and everyone will be at different times.

You deserve to have friendships that you feel accepted, respected and valued in. Start small with 1 conversation, activity or friendly message. Sometimes meaningful friendships are just formed by saying hello.